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dolphin_mama's Journal

29 September
Its very hard to talk about oneself, when your not sure who you really are.

In short, I am a young looking 41 year old women, yet my heart is as old as my great great grandmothers. I am a single mom of 3 children that have my blood running thru their veins, I am also mom to another that I helped raise, and a few others that I have yet to meet. I am a mom to you and to your kids, as well as to my Sir Royal King Kitty Oreo.

My main goal in life is to find love. A love that will accept me for who I am. The bad with the good. A love that will not run away from me when I fail, will not see me as my past loves have chose to see, but the side of me, that is me, deep down inside. A love that is very difficult to find, its a love that so many take for granted, so many never know they have lost until its near impossible to gain back. The love I seek, is a love from deep within. Its the love that everyone should possess. I seek to find the love I should have for myself, A love I lost many moons ago, something buried deep within, scared to surface once again for fear of being wrong.

My self esteem has reached record low's, but it is slowly, very slowly, trying to rise again. Its taken a little help from some wonderful friends in LJ land, it can crash with a comment, but rise again with another comment.

I treat others as I want to be treated, with love, kindness, open arms, even when I am treated worse than dog crap. I keep coming back for more and more punishment. Yet I have recently noticed I will also treat others badly, when I feel I am not worthy of their kindness, in order to be punished from them. I did state my self esteem has reached record low's havent I?

This is me, love me as I am, for I plan to not change for anyone in this world, other than myself, because I am the only one that has to live with me for the rest of my life.

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